Tag Archives: family

A miscarriage experience

The following is a letter to my son.  Even though he will not read this, it is necessary for my heart.

My dear son Rohan,

I was so looking forward to seeing you.  Your older brother was only 9 months when we found out you were on your way.  So, you definitely snuck up on us brotha.  I wasn’t worried though, God’s timing is perfect.  Take that back, I didn’t worry much.  But I did become anxious at times thinking about if I could produce enough milk to feed you, or if I would have to supplement like I did with your brother.  I knew you were coming when my body started feeling a-certain-kinda-way.  Constant nausea without the vomiting, for a few weeks, seems to be commonplace with our pregnancies.  Such a small price to pay for such an amazing gift.  You were no exception baby boy.

Your big sister had just started her first year of homeschooling.  You should have seen me trying to take her through lessons while being stretched out on the couch.  I thought I was pointing to words in a book for her to read along, but when I looked up my finger was all off the book somewhere.  I was too miserable to even sit up, but I tried really hard to remember I would only feel that way for a short season.

Your dad had me laughing.  He said that one day I was fine, then after we took the test and found out it was positive, within 24 hours I was an absolute mess.  I guess he couldn’t understand how it happened so fast.  Maybe he thought is was psychological, but I say, “welcome to the wonderful world of mommyhood”.  I knew something pretty much amazing was going on inside of me.  Your dad had me laughing on several occasions actually.  Just like he told me the gender of your brother and sister, he told me that you were a boy.  He chose a name for you shortly after.  That’s just how it’s been in our family.  Your dad was spot on with your siblings.  He lets me know when he feels really drawn to a particular name.  I have often found myself in prayer a lot after he reveals the name.  Once I told him I would pray the opposite of what he was praying.  Lol.  Talk about division.  It was all in fun, but some of those names were just hilarious to me.  I will probably holler (hearty laugh) if we see you in heaven and you’re a girl.

I thought I was on my way out of “baby season”, but I had to give up any thoughts of having a normal nights’ rest for a loooong time.  Well, you would have just given us a new normal.  Soon my mind began thinking about all the handmade items  I would make for you.  I started sewing last year, and it is such a joy to learn.  You were going to be so cute in your little appliqued tee.

It would have been so much fun seeing you grow alongside your siblings.  You probably would have knocked all of their milestones out of the park because you were trying to catch up with them and do everything they were doing.  Even though we will not experience the joys of having you here with us, we will remember you.  You have forever changed our numbers.  And when people ask me about my children, I will not forget you.  People don’t talk much about this stuff, you know?  I had no clue so many women share this same experience son.  I mean, you hear the numbers, but you really don’t think about it.  At least I didn’t.

I’ve thought about how I won’t be able to tell you that God loved you so much that He sent His only son to live and die for you on the cross.  But hey, you are way ahead of the game son now that you are with Him.  So happy for you.  Can’t wait to see you.  I must finish out my days here, allowing the Lord to guide me through each season of life.  Such a sweet partnership.  I pray this can be done in faith and with much joy in each experience.  You were a great reminder of the brevity of life.  I have found myself not being so uptight about certain things, because hey, tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Son, you are special to me.  Hopefully I can comfort others with the same comfort I have received from God concerning you.  Until we meet……………..

Resting in His love, (you are doing the same)



Two projects with clear vinyl

A couple of things have been in the works over here: celebrating with the birthday girl, attempting to clean/organize her room.  I think I would have a better chance solving world peace than the latter.

Curly Cutie recently turned five.  Yay!!!  Where has the time gone?

This is the second year that I’ve made a birthday dress for CC.  Here is the dress from last year.  I wanted it to be simple yet cute.  I needed to make two dresses this year because CC would be celebrating the big “5” with her friend (J-Renee) born 8 days after her.  J’s mom and I were college roommates.

The colors on the table were pink and purple.  CC in purple.   J-Renee in pink.  It would have been too much like right for me to take pictures after the dresses were made, but nooooo I didn’t do that.

See how simple the design is.  I purchased a 5T t-shirt and added a ruffled strip of fabric to the bottom.  Added a hem to the bottom and I was done.  I went around and around about something else I could make that would incorporate the fabric as well as bring some color to the upper body.  After much deliberation, I decided on a little drawstring bag.  You can see it peeking out from CC’s back in the above pic.

Enter clear vinyl.

I used the vinyl to create a small window in the bag to easily see its contents.  CC has not quite filled up her bag yet.  I think it adds a little something to the traditional all fabric bag.

The birthday girls in action.

All work and no play, makes for a not-so-cool day.  So, the girls clock in for a hard day’s work at the site.


And more work.


Hmmmm, her office looks a lot like her room at home.  Talk about quality care.

Time for fun.


So glad CC had a great time for her birthday.  The girls looked so cute in their dresses and matching drawstring backpacks.

There is another reason why clear vinyl maketh me happy.  I mentioned above that I try, at times, to bring order to CC’s room.  Even more conscious now that AV baby is mobile.  A while back,  I bought some bookshelves and bins to contain the many items CC has in her room.   I don’t know why because hardly anything is in the bin it should be in.  Her cleaning consists of throwing item in hand into nearest bin.  Needless to say, stuff is all over.  Especially puzzle pieces.  I have seen the frustration when she is at the end of a puzzle only to realize she is missing the last one or two pieces.  So I set out to see if I could come up with a solution to contain the puzzles.

Enter clear vinyl, bias binding, and velcro.

I did make this bias binding myself using some fabric I had on hand.  Here is a peek into the process.  There are lots of tutorials online that explain this technique.

Here are a few foam puzzles that needed a stable home.  Some of the family members were missing, hence the reason for this project.  CC has several puzzles that need such attention.  We’ll start with these though.

Using those items, I came up with this….

We like it.  Now, they don’t have to look like this….

Well, that’s it for now.

Have you tried working with clear vinyl?

The Blessing – March 7

Husband – I thank God for allowing you to see another year.  I bless you with fresh vision for the days ahead.  May you know faith in a greater way this year.

Daughter – You are gentle and kind.  Your sensitive spirit allows you to be aware of the needs of those around you.  I bless you with balance as you learn to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

Son – I bless you to grow strong and mighty in body, soul and spirit.  I thank God for His continued provision for you.

If I could only remember, at all times, how powerful words are, maybe I wouldn’t have to apologize so much for saying dumb stuff.  I mean, once it’s out there – it’s out there.  I’m so glad that life-giving words with right actions following can overcome a lot of dumb stuff. 

From the days of Abraham to the present, Jewish people have employed the principle of the blessing.  From my understanding, blessing their children was apart of their weekly worship time.  The blessing is also used at another significant time, in celebration of the passage from childhood to adulthood.  It’s a big deal, and these celebrations definitely rise to the importance of the occasion.

And again, one definition of THE BLESSING is a combination of words and actions that paints a permanent picture in a person’s soul.  To bless another is to give them honor, praise, importance, and to lift them up, encourage them, and embolden them for a better life. 

Parents and grandparents lay hands on the children and bless them.

They call their children out. 

They call them into adulthood.  Into manhood.  Into womanhood 

They don’t wait for the world to tell them that they can do whatever they are big and bad enough to do because they are 18.  Or that although they confer adulthood upon themselves they really have no ability to make sound decisions because their brains won’t even be fully developed until age 26 (or whatever age this supposedly happens). 

At 12 or 13 they are being celebrated and welcomed into adulthood, being made aware of its responsibilities and privileges (and given opportunities to walk in them). 

I wonder what would happen if we stopped viewing children as little people who don’t matter much because they’re too young and inexperienced to really understand how the world works and do anything about it.  Should we move them from being seen and not heard to being seen and heard?  On second thought, maybe not.  Quiet time is my friend.  I will institute a quiet time with the quickness when I’m in the car with Curly Cutie.  They don’t have to talk all the time – do they?  I mean, sometimes I can hardly get a word in edgewise.  Quiet time ensures that there is peace for all mankind in my home. 

Some may think it’s strange or downright foolish to expect 13 year olds to act like adults.  Well, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Jewish people have found great success in this world (finance, science, etc.) because THE BLESSING is passed down from generation to generation.  Fathers and mothers bless their children who then go out into the world and excel.

I wonder what would happen if young girls were celebrated the first time Aunt Flow came to town.  Which seems to be younger and younger these days.  Makes me wonder if it’s the stuff in the food we’re eating.  I don’t know.  Maybe there wouldn’t be so much shame, or maybe they would know, appreciate and value what their bodies actually have the capability of doing.  Maybe it would do no good at all and my blurb on this topic only serves as proof that I’m still a bit on edge because I was welcomed into this time of my life by a plastic bag of sanitary napkins kindly delivered through a male cousin.  Figure that one out. 

Day 67 for my family and the blessing.  My mind has already gone to thinking about how we will celebrate their transition into adulthood if it is the Lord’s will.  Someone has to come into agreement with what’s on God’s heart and what He is saying about the generations we are raising.  Here is to hoping I will clearly hear His voice and respond in faith concerning those in my home and those whose paths I cross.

For more posts on THE BLESSING.