What I shoulda said (on memories)

In My Handwritten Life I talked about how I have been writing in journals for several years.  I made mention of my memory that leaves quite a bit to be desired since I easily forget things.  Sometimes I take a couple of hours to sit down and read what I wrote in years past.  It’s interesting to see the different thought processes I’ve had, and the maturity or lack thereof that has come from them.  Journaling has helped me to remember the good times.  The funny times.  But, I shoulda shared about a stretching time too……

I remember the time when going to bed at night was oppressive.  I was so plagued with fear that I slept on my stomach – every night.  I did this for years.  The thought of something coming for me in the night was too great for me to sleep, in what I thought to be a vulnerable position, face up.  At least if something did get me, on my stomach, I wouldn’t see it coming.  You wouldn’t have seen it coming either way Tamika because you were SLEEP.  I know, but fear has torment and this is what I had reasoned in my mind.  It had become such a part of me that I didn’t even think about it as being an issue.  Until I heard these words……FEAR IS NOT YOUR PORTION.  I didn’t know how it was going to happen, but I knew I wanted to be free.

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.  John 8:32

I needed the truth.

The truth is……

God had not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.

The Lord gives His beloved sleep.

When I lie down I will not be afraid.

When I lie down my sleep will be sweet.

The sleep of a laboring man is sweet whether he eats little or much, but the abundance of the rich will not allow him to sleep.

Jeremiah said that when he woke up he realized he had sweet rest.

These are not merely some random good thoughts.  They are straight from the word of God (see references at bottom of post).  THEY ARE MY PORTION.  These scriptures along with several others became my spiritual food that I partook of daily for a while.  Daily until I owned them.  I continued to sleep on my stomach, but the words of God flowed from my lips.  Then, one day it broke.  I don’t know when it broke.  I just know that one day I did not feel the compulsion to sleep on my stomach anymore.  The peace of God came in where there was fear.  And if I sleep on my stomach today, it’s because I want to and not because I’m plagued with fear.  Truth be told I can tear up a bed.  Lol!  My husband often tells me there is no need for me to assault him in the night.  Lol.  I don’t mean to.  Really. 

So glad I have my journals to go back and read of the good things God has done for me.  And how living and active His word is.  The day belongs to the Lord.  The night belongs to the Lord.  I belong to the Lord.  I will not be afraid.  The battle against fear continues in other areas of my life.  At least now, I’m well rested for the fight.

For personal reflection:  What areas of your life is “fear a factor” for you?  What would your life look like in this area if you were not afraid?  Does the bible speak about it?

Scripture references:  Psalm 127:2, Proverbs 3:24, Ecclesiastes 5:12, Jeremiah 31:26
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6 thoughts on “What I shoulda said (on memories)

  1. Tamika, what you wrote is so true — a good night’s sleep prepares you for whatever God has in store for you the next day! My sleep robber used to be “worry.” I’d be dog tired, but my mind just wouldn’t let go of things. Thanks to God’s grace and mercy, I now sleep like a rock every night! It is the peace that surpasses all understanding.

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