The Great Shutdown (part 2)

You can find (part 1) here.

I did change my major.

How about Technical Theater with an emphasis in lighting?  Yep, I was on my way.  Past behind me.  No more criticism.

(Side note:  Even though I chose to withdraw from what I thought I really should have been doing, this new major allowed me to tap into other areas of creativity.  All was not lost.  God is not bound by time and delights in redeeming it.  The enemy of my soul thought it was over and he had won.)

It wasn’t until later on that I realized my heart was cut off to more than just writing about the One I adored.  I pretty much quit writing altogether.  A couple of examples should give you a better picture.  These are memories with the greatest imprints.

Exhibit A

HSSMTI – High School Science and Mathematics Technology Institute

I was given an opportunity to participate in HSSMTI.  Great program for lovers of math and science.  There was a research paper due at the end of the summer.  So, what did I do?  I stayed in the program right up until the time had come for us to begin compiling our findings in written format.  Then I quit.  I used some lame excuse to get out of the program.  It just was not worth the effort for me to try and revive my heart.  I don’t even think I was aware that my heart needed a revival.  I was done with writing.  It didn’t stop here though.  Then I joined…..

Exhibit B

Why did I do that?  Well, again, I had a hard time saying “no” especially when I was actually wanted.  My teacher was absolutely convinced this was the perfect opportunity for me.  So, into the International Marketing competition I went, along with two other classmates.

What?  Did you say a 30-page business proposal?  I won’t be able to do that.  Too bad for me, teacher was not taking “no” for an answer.  Too bad for them, I contributed very little in the writing department.  I was serious about being done with writing.

In both these scenarios, I was extremely paralyzed by fear.  I could not live the rest of my life running every time a paper was required of me.  I wanted to continue my education.  Would I ever get past this?

DECA logo from here.  Stage lighting photo from here.

Stay tuned for Part 3.

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3 thoughts on “The Great Shutdown (part 2)

  1. I’m so glad you had a pain-free start to the day, hallelujah! This post was heartwrenching, though — a different pain from a different perspective — probably because it reminded me of the MANY times I didn’t follow my heart! (Why is “NO” so hard to say, ha?) Life is much better when you listen to (and DO) what God nudges you to do. I love nudges! 🙂 God is so good. (And KEEP WRITING!)

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