The Great Shutdown (part 1)

Read About this blog first.

It happened in high-school.  That’s when I shut down part of my heart.  My heart was for Jesus.  My major was Creative Writing (yes, we had majors and minors at our performing arts school).  My love was for Jesus.  When I wrote, I wrote about Him.  It was all my heart knew.  It finally had a break from the pain of its younger years.  It didn’t matter what we were studying.  For every assignment, my subject matter was Jesus.

This is what I received from writing about the One my soul adored.

I do not post these to point fingers at my instructor.  He did not cut my heart off.  I cut my heart off.

It did not seem to be an issue of quality, but content.  But I thought my ability to follow directions and technique was the issue at hand.  Clearly it was not.

It didn’t take me long to decide I would change my major.  After all, “C’s” would not get me the praise and affirmation from my grades that I  normally received.  And that was completely unacceptable since I had no other source of validation.

You see, I never learned that I was special apart from the things I did.

My ability to perform at school was constantly praised, but who I was at the heart level was never recognized.

I changed my major, and cut off part of my heart from living.

The Great Shutdown (part 2).


11 thoughts on “The Great Shutdown (part 1)

  1. Found your blog on fresh pressed, I am excited to read more. I too am a chronic journaler-especially cause I am currently called to and living in China loving students here!! Have a wonderful day 🙂

  2. How many writers have been shut down by such cruel comments ? It’s one reason I abolutely abhor negative critiques. So many times these types of comments are based more upon the need of the critiquer to feel superior, than on anything to do with the actual writing. I wonder where you would be in your writing/spiritual path today if this person had said something like, ‘This poem has a similar feel to it as others you’ve written. What would happen if you tried…instead?’ Or something that made you feel enthusiastic to stretch those writing skills. I may not share the same belief system you do, but I share the sentiments of one writer to another.

    1. Thanks so much for your comment Lisa. Yeah, sometimes I wonder too what would have happened if I would have just pressed through the temporary rejection. Like I said, I do not fault my instructor. I have learned that I have a responsibility to guard that which is precious to me. It’s kinda sad when we don’t view what we are or have as special. I am learning :).

  3. You were writing who you are – – I think that’s what we’re supposed to do. Too bad the instructor didn’t get it. I’m glad you’re pressing on…looking forward to part 2!

    1. Thanks for commenting Brooke. I am definitely pressing on. It has taken some time. I believe that our abilities can lie dormant for only so long before something calls for it to come alive again. Part 2 is coming!

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